I Have Found Purpose
30 came and went. Still single and fearful.
40 approaching at breakneck speed. Still single but excited.
Firstly I have to ask, how does it happen that each decade seems to take so much less time than the previous one?
But in that almost 10 years since I turned 30, I have found purpose. The biggest change happened within me. The difference from being fearful to excited happened when I became less consumed by the need to find THE ONE and more concerned with being the right one! When I stopped wanting that special someone to make me feel complete/happy/important etc, I discovered happiness, meaning and purpose within myself. Once I stopped and asked myself what do I want or need to feel complete/happy/important? I then realised I was able to find ways of meeting the universal need for companionship and purpose on my own, I didn’t need someone else to make me, ME!
It began with an idea of changing careers. I hesitated and then I jumped into the most life- changing experience of my life so far. I completed a university bachelor degree in human biology and genetics. Me, the graphic designer - doing a science degree? What the heck was I thinking. I am not that smart. And it is not even related to graphic design, let alone in the same brain hemisphere? Even I looked at myself strangely at times, much less friends and acquaintances who happened to ask what I was up to these days! I hadn’t even factored in that it had been at least 14 odd years since I finished high school. How would I manage?
The information overload left me with a tiredness that did not dissipate, as I frantically tried to hold onto each new word and concept in the hopes that I might remember enough to pass each exam. Essay writing, reports, referencing, APA style and journal articles that sounded like they were another language. How could I find anything I could understand let alone write and essay on? What have I done? The financial strain, the stress all took their toll. But I kept going - I loved the challenge. Even when it seemed like I was the only person that never quite understood what we were being taught. Yet I passed each unit and on occasions managed a distinction here and there. I was seriously just happy to pass, doing well was a bonus! But, the joy from finally, finally understanding the material in my last year was incredible. I was so excited - I got it, I got it and I could answer the questions during the lectures, it wasn’t as hard anymore. All along I knew this was something I was doing this for me. Totally, entirely and selfishly for me. It was the most difficult and challenging thing I have ever undertaken - but the reward at completing this degree was beyond anything money could buy. I had done it.
It is so interesting how once you achieve something you never thought in your wildest dreams you could do, everything else seems that much more possible. I am now completing a Post Graduate Diploma in Counselling and when complete I will be able to call myself a Genetic Counsellor. A nice fancy title, but it is much more to me. It is the beginning of unwrapping my soul and letting it grow and develop into all that is possible. It is about then sharing that with others who wish to discover the butterfly within them. Yes the journey to that place is hard and many, many times it seems easier to quit. Yet our soul knows it is not fully living and does not sit quiet, it yearns for more. Listen to your soul and there you will find joy, meaning, purpose & fulfilment.
I had almost come to hate graphic design. I hated the ridiculous client demands. The stupid hours and the negative impact to my health. Then along came digital scrap-booking and scrapgirls. The beautiful layouts and kits and the stories - the sharing. I again love being creative - I can now create for me, I can express me and it is the perfect balance to my new life. I don’t need to cast off my past but rather embrace it in new and more fun ways. Thank you for expanding my vision…further!
Submitted by Anonymous
